Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
