I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize