so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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