I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
