im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
