a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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