someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
