"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
