i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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