How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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