just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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