sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
