so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
