Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
