So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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