Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
