Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
