My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
