my mouth tastes like poor choices
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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