hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
