you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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