I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
