I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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