Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
