did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
