Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
