Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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