Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
