OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
