1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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