Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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