I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So many bounce houses so little time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
