Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
