remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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