the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
