He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
