All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
