Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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