if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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