he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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