do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
whose parrot is this?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
