Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
