peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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