there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
