Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
