it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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