On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
