You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
