i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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