When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
