All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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