They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
