My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
