We're facebook friends in real life
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
