drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
