Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
