His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
