$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
