I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
