I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.