I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.