Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar