I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.