I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
