woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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