Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
