The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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